Strange Tales of the East Coast Parahuman Capital On The Bay
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Summary: Follow the daily life of a moron and a former government worker-turned-housewife as they live their new lives in the city on the Bay. Or 'Oda Nobunaga and Okita Souji get lost in the Brockton Bay Lostbelt and learn to cope. Brockton Bay… does not.'
1. The Flimsy Excuse Plot!

A/N: Because fanfic needs more Nobu, damn it!

….

Strange Tales of the East Coast Parahuman Capital On The Bay

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 1: The Flimsy Excuse Plot!

Disclaimer: Nasuverse stuff belongs to Type-Moon. Worm stuff belongs to Wildbow.

….

It was a perfectly ordinary night in Brockton Bay. The moon was shining, the drunks were singing, evil was flourishing as good people did nothing, thieves thieved, hussies hustled, druggies drugged, and some lunatic had challenged a dragon to single combat. This was an hour ago. The challenge was ongoing.

"Mwahahahaha! Is that the best you can do, lizard? Pathetic! Soon you will fall and the 第六天魔王 will rule the ABB, and soon, this city!" the lunatic laughed, managing to be heard over 3000 muskets firing constantly in three separate waves. She jumped nimbly from old boat to old boat in the metal-strewn stretch of water known as the Boat Graveyard. "And then, from this city, the world! MWAHAHAHAHAHA– AHH! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE, MY HAIR IS ON FIRE glug glug glug!"

Yes, it was a perfectly ordinary night in Brockton Bay.

….

Her name was Okita Souji and she was a Saber.

At least, she usually was.

Now however, she was just a housewife, trying to stretch a meager government stipend between two people living in a small apartment they could barely afford. Ah, to think her distinguished career in law enforcement would lead to this! Damn it Masters, keep track of your Servants! She knew events could be shiny and distracting, but at least notice when one of your SSR Sabers falls out of the Shadow Border!

Sighing once more about negligent Masters who don't bother to call or write anymore now that they gotten you to Bond Level 10 and gotten what they wanted, Souji hurried about her errands in her elegant pink kimono and darker hakama, with her long leather boots being her only western extravagance. Her sword was carried discreetly over her shoulder in its carry bag, her purse hung from its strung beneath her hands clasped demurely before her as she walked with a jaunty step, looking like a perfectly ordinary young maiden on her way to market.

Unfortunately, that was a perfectly ordinary young maiden from the Meiji era, and so in the wretched hive of scum and villainy that was their new home for now, she stood out like a fresh cherry blossom in a turd pile.

Humming happily to herself, Souji made her way to their butcher's. "Good morning," she said sunnily in the local occidental dialect, some creole version of English with all sorts of linguistic add-ons hanging off of it like yanderes on the Masters or Medbs on a Cu. "How are you today Park-san?"

Bruce Park was, point in fact, Korean, but one knew not to argue with strangely-dressed weirdos in Brockton Bay. "Pretty good," he said in a voice that somehow managed to be both surprising high-pitched and gruff. "The usual then?"

As Souji waited for the fine-ground cuts of beef and pork that would make up their meals for the next few days– such extravagance!– her purse made a sound. She stared at it for a moment before before remembering what made that sound, before reaching in through the house keys, coins, bills, corned gunpowder, a gold Nerofest medal from a few years ago and her comb to grab the boring brick of a government-issued cellphone. "Moshi-moshi!" she greeted cheerfully.

" _Nazo no Yuusha X,_ " the semi-familiar voice on the line said, their pronunciation of her chosen name decent enough even with their accent. Not the one who called himself Jitsuryoku-Sensei, just some lowly peon she'd heard before. " _Would you please come to PRT Headquarters to pick up Dairokutenmao_?" The pronunciation was worse there, likely a product of apathy compounded by exasperation. They pronounced it 'rock', like a stone you'd find on the ground.

Souji would once have winced. Later she would have sighed. Now, after another night where she'd stayed futilely waiting for someone who never showed up and dying at least once as blood exploded from her mouth when her tuberculosis kicked in, she was just housewife pissed. "Ah," she said, in a tone that sent shivers up Bruce Park's spine. He knew that tone. "Is that so? Very well then, I shall pick up the idiot shortly. Please feel free to set her on fire, she can take it. "

Serenely, she depressed the stud that disconnected the device. Convenient, yet inconvenient at the same time. Only the west would create such a think. "Park-san, would you please put that in your cold box? I will come back for it later, it seems I have a idiot to bring home."

"Sure. I'll have it waiting when you get back," the butcher said warily.

"Thank you, Park-san," Okita said, bowing to him demurely before serenely leaving the establishment.

It was not unexpected there was a brief but sharp sonic boom after she was out of sight. Park sighed, really wishing that woman would go somewhere else. It always made him nervous, that eventually Oni Lee would get around to bombing his store just to get her. Still, she was a good customer for all that.

He wondered how many dogs she owned, to keep buying so much sawdust.

….

The sonic boom ended in front of PRT Headquarters in downtown Brockton Bay. However, it was not the fair and demure Okita Souji who entered the ludicrously extravagant glass doors but the mysterious brave 謎の勇者X! Not to be confused with Mysterious Heroine X, who she is totally not stealing anything from. Really. At all.

Clad in white with a blue haori, NYX cunningly concealed her identity by pulling her hair back in a ponytail and wearing a Fugly Bob's baseball cap, a single lock of bright pink hair sticking up straight and tall like a heroic banner of sincerity! A pair of round, shiny glasses completed the image, perfectly obscuring her identity to anyone who would try and guess. After all, it worked for the greatest legendary hero of the west, didn't it?

Sword in hand, NYX strode towards the front desk, teeth most certainly _not_ clenched or anything like that. "Hello, I'm here to pick up a stupid idiot who doesn't learn her lessons?"

The agent, Tom, didn't even bother making any sort of pretense of checking his computer, instead quickly tapping the phone. "She's here!" he said, sounding hurried. Understandable. The few times Nobu had woken up in their cells, they had needed to redecorate, what with her setting everything on fire and shooting her way up through the basement.

The PRT and they had an understanding. Dairokutenmao, the Great Demon King of the Sixth Heaven, was rightfully called a villain, but unfortunately, she was _their_ villain. For she was the only one moronic enough to challenge the half-breed dragon who ruled as one of the bandit lords of this wretched city, and apparently they had no Assassins to do the job for them properly. Not even one as half-assed as poor Margaretha. Stupid self-healing lizard.

It hadn't started like that. When they had both realized they were stuck in this Lostbelt, left behind by their Master (she blamed one of the yandere. A Tamamo or Kiyohime had something to do with this, though she wouldn't put it past that Mysterious Heroine X loony) surely by some accident and not because there'd been a hole in the Archive somewhere, and Okita had no choice but to sign on as a part-timer in the local government's elite policing institution (how that had made her nostalgic for the beginnings of the Shinsengumi!) so they could receive their small stipend, Nobu, as useless neets were wont to do, hand blown a portion of those finances to go drinking. From there, she heard about the one who called himself a dragon, one thing had led to another, and Souji had been worried she'd have to give back her government check less than a day after she'd gotten it and be sent to prison besides as the resulting battle had set a street aflame. Oh woe is her, why was she surrounded by pyromaniacs?

Fortunately, most seemed to believe that the fires had been caused by some wizard named Myrrdin, and while she would normally not condone something like than, anyone naming themselves after the Mage of Flowers got what they deserved.

Nobu had challenged the dragon again, and it had been angry.

A month of nigh-daily challenges later, the dragon had become weary .

Three months later, the dragon had become exasperated.

Almost a year on, the dragon regarded it as a constant, annoying distraction and occasional place to channel misplaced aggression.

Now, more than a year later, some sort of strange balance was coming back to the city. Nobu was clear villain, but as the only moron who actively sought out the lizard unless she was stopped for domination over all Asians in the city, the PRT wearily regarded her as something to tolerate to suppress the one called Lung. Okita, for her part, dealt with the crazy Americans who acted like even crazier Germans, the crazy homeless people who did a lot of drugs, and tried not to make eye contact with anyone as she dragged a still-snoring Nobunaga back home by one booted foot. The fool was faking it, of course, but the alternative was admitting she was awake and that no cell or vehicle the PRT had could hold her.

They were, after all, still Servants. Nobu might be at her weakest in a world with no Divinity or Mystery, but she was still an SR Archer. Nothing any mere human could build in this era could come close.

After three times and as many risks to their poor stipend, they eventually worked out a deal. As the lizard was, in fact, also a villain, one could say that Nobu had been almost heroic in her desire to defeat him, her loudly proclaimed declarations she would conquer his lands and holdings and rule this city with an iron fist and lots of clones notwithstanding. Which is why Nobu got to use the PRT cells as her own personal drunk tank now. Stupid neet. This meant Souji would have to go out and beat up crazy Americans who thought they were Germans tonight, or else their stipend would be threatened.

Actually, the fool had been jobless for over a year now! That's it, it was time for her to find a job!

But first, back to Park-san's for their meat! Souji was now very proud of her croquettes.

And she supposed it could be worse. She could be stuck here with one of the Nero!

….

 **\- To be continued…?**

….

A/N: Well, I thought I'd join the bandwagon of weird Worm/Grand Order fics with stupid excuse plots. This is set in... what, 2010? 2009? Eh, whatever would be funny.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	2. Hataraku Dairokutenmao-sama!

Strange Tales of the East Coast Parahuman Capital On The Bay

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 2: Hataraku Dairokutenmao-sama! The Demon King of the Sixth Heave Is a Part-Timer!

Disclaimer: Nasuverse stuff belongs to Type-Moon. Worm stuff belongs to Wildbow.

….

That damned Saber would rue this! The nerve of her, making her do such menial labor! This would not be allowed to stand! She was the Great Demon King of the Sixth Heaven, the destroyer of Divinity and Mystery, she–

"Welcome to Fugly Bobs, how may I take your order?" she said, her face set in a rictus of a smile.

– was wearing a shirt that read 'Fugly Bob's'. In an effort to be spiteful, she had dialed down her cupsize as low as it would go without it actually sinking into her chest, but she still felt sleazy and exposed. ONLY MASTER AND MASTER WERE ALLOWED TO MAKE HER FEEL SLEAZY AND EXPOSED!

Ah, at least she got an employee discount to eat. They'd stopped letting her have the Challenger for free after she finished off three in the same sitting. On the other hand, she now had a picture with the words 'Unbeatable Champion' over it, so the masses recognized her power!

Her current customer looked up at the menu. "Hmm… I'll have a Blizzard, please," he said.

"This is Fugly Bobs, sir," Nobu said, her smile twitching.

"Then, I'll have a Sundae," the customer said, with the air of having changed his mind.

"Still Fugly Bob's sir," Nobu said, even as her hand twitched. Musket or sword, she didn't care!

"Just give me whatever's cold and sweet," he said, still smiling.

"Jacob, please deal with this idiot," Nobu said as her face twisted into a true rictus, and the other part-timer hurriedly took her place before there was another 'incident'.

As the idiot was momentarily spared from certain death, Nobu once more considered quitting. That is, setting the place on fire and laughing as she danced on the ashes. But no, apparently she wasn't allowed to do that. The kinda-Caster who thought he was a Berseker had visited her at lunch on her first day and said she couldn't do it, the kinda-Saber who thought he was an Archer crazy American who thought he was a crazier German had visited her in the afternoon with all the rest of his crazy Americans acting like crazy Germans friends had shown up and said she couldn't do it (and hand't even bothered to order, the cheapskates. At least the wannabe-Caster had gotten takeout!), even the stupid half-breed lizard had shown up at dinner and told her she couldn't do it (at least the pussy had failed the Challenger, muttering darkly about it still not counting because he'd had a glass of water for breakfast, and thus full).

Well, she supposed she wouldn't quit this time either. Maybe she'll find the half-breed later tonight, get the stress out of her system…

She supposed it was because it was so close to another Demon Pillar rerun event. Oh, the locals called them Endbringers, but she knew a Demon Pillar rerun event when she saw one! It was a really cheap event too, without even decent drops, but at least they didn't need to farm or collect new CE. A pity none of them were proper Saber classes, but she was reasonably sure Behemoth was a Berserker, so that was okay.

Hmm, she wondered whether she could come up with a summer swimsuit even for this year. They didn't last year, but then they''d only recently arrived. They were settled now, she could make up a swimsuit even and get Souji in something skimpy and a new class. Maybe she'll be an Assassin? Probably close enough. And she'd get to wear a swimsuit too! No turn into a Berserker, since Summer Swimsuit her was probably still in the Shadow Border, but eh. She wasn't really attached, and it was annoying people kept calling her 'Discount Dickwizard'. What had she done that merited her being compared to the Dickwizard?

But wait! Did this town even knew how to have events? Besides the Demon Pillar events, they didn't seem to have much. She was pretty sure that busy as she was, she'd have noticed if they'd had a New Year's event.

Hmm… perhaps she should do a test run to properly introduce people as to how an event was run…

….

Okita Souji, who was secretly the heroic 謎の勇者X– Nazo no Yūsha X for the illiterate who can't read proper writing– and definitely not secretly Speed Racer's brother Rex, was once more on a quest for groceries as she continued her never-ending battle to stay in the budget of their piddling government stipend while keeping herself and the idiot fed. Now that they had meat, a decadent beef/pork blend that they hadn't had in Japan in her day, she set about buying basic ingredient like floor, soy sauce, rice and eggs. With these and the idiot setting something on fire she could make any dinner they wanted!

… provided it consisted of meat, floor, soy sauce, rice and egg.

The local shopkeepers of the district of town they lived in knew her on sight, and she waved a them as she made her way, making note of where she'd go next. She loved how this part of town was always decorated in festive reds and greens. Many people even wore those same colors. Idly, she wondered whether she should get Nobu something anything green, perhaps a new cape to go with the rest of her outfit, or even one of the floppy French hats those weak soldiers you saw dying a lot in movies wore.

Ah, no. She didn't have enough money. Maybe a green hankie, then?

…

Nope, still not enough money. How about a cabbage she could stick to her hat?

…

Well, a cabbage _leaf_ maybe, they shouldn't be so extravagant!

As the cherry blossom in the turd pile made her way along buying groceries, oblivious to the apprehensive looks of the people in festive red and green, she was unaware of the dark and evil Event coming her way.

….

 **Welcome to the Parahumans Online message boards.**  
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You are viewing:  
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 **Topic: Über & Leet Special Event! Gudaguda Brockton Bay!  
In: Boards ► News ► NA ► East Coast ► Brockton Bay  
Official Über & Leet! ** (Original Poster)  
Posted On Jan 1st 2011:

 **S** o, we usually don't do this, but...  
 **O** ur hand has been forced!  
 **S** oon to come to a Brockton Bay near you!  
 **S** ensational!  
 **H** eroic!  
 **E** negizing!  
 **S** uch are only some of the words to describe the great and wonderful Dairokutenmao!  
 **N** ow, for a limited time only, we will be collaborating with her in a special event!  
 **U** nlimited fun awaits you all!  
 **T** une in to this thread for updates!  
 **S** o get ready!  
 **H** ilarity awaits!  
 **E** veryone is invited! Yes, even the Nazis!  
 **L** egend too if he wants to come by! Also his two friends! And his entire team!  
 **P** rotectorate, bring your A Game!  
 **U** ntil then!  
 **S** ee you there!

 **(Showing page 1 of 2)**

 **►Ne**  
Replied On Mar 26th 2010:  
FIRST!

 **Moderator Edit: Warning for zero content post**

 **►Clockblocker** (Verified Cape) (Wards ENE)  
Replied On Mar 26th 2010:  
So... everyone can see the secret message too, right?

 **►Point_Me_ _The_Sky**  
Replied On Mar 26th 2010:  
Yup, totally readable.

 **►Brocktonite03** (Veteran Member)  
Replied On Mar 26th 2010:  
Rumor has it [an anonymous cape] burst into maniacal laughter at her part-time job at [anonymous place of work] and started asking around how to find U&L. So yeah, I can venture a guess as to why this message.

 **Moderator Warning: No outing capes who do not have a public identity. Yes, we know, we know, but officially she's not outed. Please follow the rules.**

 **►Solomon** (Verified Cape) (Verified Non-Canon)  
Replied On Mar 26th 2010:  
Oh, come on! Everyone knows you-know-who works at you-know-where! Groucho glasses don't hide anything!

 **►Assault** (Verified Cape) (Protectorate ENE)  
Replied On Mar 26th 2010:  
Ha! I knew she'd reveal her master plan sooner or later!

 **►Futhark**  
Replied On Mar 26th 2010:  
I hate to say this, but where's Lung when you need him?

 **►All_Hail_Lung!** (Official ABB Social Media)  
Replied On Mar 26th 2010:  
Sadly, our lord and master is suffering from a headache brought about by the individual in question. Yes, we are aware he has regeneration capabilities, she's just THAT ANNOYING. What is the PRT doing about this rampant harassment upon innocent parahumans minding their own business?

 **►Botticelli** (Unverified Turtle)  
Replied On Mar 26th 2010:  
Seriously? You're going there?

 **End of Page. 1**

 **(Showing page 2 of 2)**

 **►Isn'tThisFandomAboutMe?** (Verified Taylor) (Verified Bullied)  
Replied On Mar 26th 2010:  
They're not exactly wrong...

 **End of Page. 1, 2**

….

 **\- To be continued…**

….

A/N:

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	3. Gudaguda Brockton Bay! The Nobu Menace!

A/N: I have no idea where any of this is coming from. It's like it has a mind of its own!

….

Strange Tales of the East Coast Parahuman Capital On The Bay

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 3: Gudaguda Brockton Bay Event! The Nobu Menace!

Disclaimer: Nasuverse stuff belongs to Type-Moon. Worm stuff belongs to Wildbow.

….

The first sign that something was wrong was when Nobu didn't come home and wasn't at the PRT when Souji went to pick her up. That should have been ominous, but Souji was kinda pissed Nobu hadn't sent her a message. Surely she could have found a bow and arrow somewhere and shot a note to their apartment? She was an Archer, a little postal delivery was nothing! It was how they did it in Chaldea. Argh! Altera and Helena never had these problems! The less said about those common-faced Artorias the better!

Ah well, no point in wasting good food. The second day Nobu didn't return, Souji got mildly worried the dragon had found a way tie her to a rock and throw her in the ocean. The third day, Souji was frantically worrying about how she'd report this– help! My totally-just-roommates who spends her time bothering the local dragon is missing, can you please find her?– and to who, the police or the PRT.

The fourth day, Epic Spirit Okita Souji, SSR Saber, resolved that she was going to kick Nobu's ass so hard she'd loose another star.

….

The second sign something was wrong was the flying saucer that flew out from over the Docks, heading towards the Downtown-adjacent end of the Boardwalk, and occasionally dropping sheets of paper.

It was the first time people in the city worried about the fact the Protectorate headquarters had a missile defense system installed, because they thought of how easily it might be used as a missile _offense_ system. Most especially when the flying saucer was in the general area of above them. The air around reverberated with alternating soundtracks about 'Puff the Magic Dragon' and polka music.

The update post on PHO and in Über and Leet's webpage made it pretty obvious what this was about. So were the flyers raining down, which had tasteful borders depicting Morse Code of 'SOS' and 'HELP'. The flying saucer swooped elegantly over the boardwalk while locals got the hell out of dodge in an orderly manner– the year of some idiot challenging a dragon daily had helped with the town's response time– while tourists stood around taking pictures.

A hatch irised open on the underside of the flying saucer, and a platform lowered down. It was dressed like a stage, with wooden floors and crimson banners depicting the mon of the Oda clan. A lone blue banner with a C-shaped laurel of leaves surrounding a circle with a wispy cloud or wave-like design in the center stood to one side.

In the center on the stage stood Dairokutenmao, wearing her crimson uniform, metal-plated boots and cap. Her sword was held like a cane in her extended left hand, making Souji apoplectic at the lack of care, while one of her muskets was in her right, slung diagonally over her shoulder. Her face was obscured by Groucho glasses with comically wide frames, fake nose, and attached face eyebrows and mustache. The local crazy Americans who thought they were crazier Germans had tried mocking her for it, Alabaster especially. They'd stopped when it became clear she could shoot them in the _mouth_ no matter how far they were, what angle they hid or how quietly they did it.

It soon became another mark on how horrible Brockton Bay was that a local infamous sorta-villain-we-guess was taken seriously wearing _that._

Next to her were two taller figures. Clearly Über and Leet, they were clad in reproductions of ancient Japanese armor. Not _good_ reproductions, since the armor has clearly some kind of lightweight metal, most of the cloth seemed to be Kevlar, and , if one had the enhanced senses to perceive it, there were the subtle sounds of servomotors with each minor movement they made, and they made a lot. So no, not good _reproductions._ They were, however, perfectly battle-serviceable armor, at least five grades up from the stuff they usually wore in all areas, including practicality.

They seemed nervous. What they actually _were_ was terrified, but it was hard to tell because they'd defaulted to standing still in the hopes the object of their overwhelming existential terror wouldn't notice them.

As people stared, one of the local heroes jumped onto the roof of one of the stores, cupping her hands around her mouth.

"YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE YOU IDIOT!"

It was a voice that cut through the babble of humanity, immediately stilling all to silence. And so there was silence when, from the flying saucer, came the words "OH, WELL IF IT ISN'T THE PERFECT LITTLE CINNAMON ROLL! HERE TO RUIN SOMEONE ELSE'S DAY AGAIN, STUPID CINNAMON ROLL?"

"I-IDIOT! ONLY M-MASTER AND M-MASTER ARE ALLOWED TO CALL ME CINNAMON ROLL! I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT, YOU IDIOT!"

"BRING IT ON, YOU STUPID SABER! ACTUALLY, ARE YOU EVEN REALLY A SABER? YOUR SWORD DOESN'T SHOOT BEAMS OR ANYTHING LIKE A _**REAL**_ SABER'S, YOU FAKE SABER! AH HAH HA! THAT'S YOUR NAME NOW! YOU'RE THE MYSTERIOUS FAKE SABER CINNAMON ROLL!"

" _ **EH?-!-?-!**_ YOU SAID IT! THE THING YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY TO A LADY AND YOU SAID IT, YOU IDIOT!"

"EH, WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT YOU FAKE SABER? SHOOT SWORD BEAMS AT ME?" Dairokutenmao turned around and twerked at her. "COME ON, GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT!"

Okita stared in horror as hatches opened on the underside of the saucer and Chibi Nobus began to fall out of them, some slowed by comically small parachutes, but most just hitting the ground with cries of "NO-BU!" and a cute parping sound before eventually standing up and turning to stare at her with their wide, stupid white eyes. Oversized muskets were drawn out.

" _ **YOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU IIIIIIDDDDDDIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTT!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!**_ " Okita cried. " _ **HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED THIS NEVER ENDS WELL?-!-?-!-?-!**_ "

"Nobu!" "Nobu!" "Nobu!" "NOBU!"

For the first time they arrived there, Okita wished the Dickwizard was around. Heck, she'd take the moody shota at this point!

And thus began the Gudaguda Brockton Bay event!

….

Okita had been fighting for twenty minutes when the Protectorate finally arrived. Fortunately, these weren't Grail empowered and so were really squishy, meaning even the Archers died under her blade with a swipe. Even so, she was only one person, and thus while she could kill all before her, she could only do so in one place, meaning for every Nobu she killed, more escaped into the city.

Not even Brockton Bay deserved to be the Nobu capital of the world.

Fortunately, the sound of a motorcycle was followed by sirens as Jitsuryoku-Sensei appeared, his trusty halberd swinging as machine guns shot from the front of his steed. Personally, Okita thought a lance or possibly a chariot with bladed sides would have been more effective, but she couldn't be picky. The motorcycle turned, circling around her and clearing an area as the blue-clad pseudo-Caster who acted like a Berserker cleaned Nobu's with ruthlessly efficiency.

"Come on!" he cried, reaching a hand towards her.

Well, she had been getting bored. Okita accepted the hand, mounting the vehicle behind him. Guns roared as Jitsuryoku-Sensei cleared a path back to the vans, where NPC troopers where using the foam they liked so much to trap Nobus in place and cleverly act as a barrier to direct them.

"What's the situation?" Jitsuryoku-Sensei asked curtly as they got behind the lines. Behind them, Minpei-chan turned her Noble Phantasm into a machine gun, the kind that the idiot practically masturbated over when reading about them in her gun magazines, and mowed down the approaching Nobus, keeping them back.

Okita Souji stood to attention, military discipline from her time working the in government coming back at the demand she report. "Sensei!" she declared, trying to remember the terms they used nowadays from the TV shows she'd watched with Master and Master. "Dairokutenmao has established an invasion beachhead on her flying saucer and is using it to release the Nobus!" The deathcries of Nobus, many of them overly dramatic, left no doubt what she meant.

What little she could see of his face was frowning through its beard more than usual. "She's creating these things?" he asked.

Souji nodded as the Greek cosplayer waded into the fray. "She needs power for them to be really strong, but she can create them just fine without. She usually doesn't though, since they're _really_ stupid. Stupider than her, somehow."

"Then why make them at all?" he asked.

"Because they're too stupid to give up," she sighed. "Which works just fine if you want to keep throwing them in front of you."

That news looked very unwelcome. "Do you have any idea why she's doing this?"

Souji blinked. "Didn't she explain in her flyer? She usually does."

"It's in Japanese," Jitsuryoku-Sensei said. "The only thing we understood without a translator was the morse code Über and Leet used as a border."

Souji sighed at the lack of education of the west. A whole Japanese community in the city and important government officials didn't speak the language? Had Master and Master's anime lied all this time, or was this another sign of western sloth and ineptitude? All the Japanese she'd met in this city had no trouble understanding English, why weren't they smart enough to do the reverse? She drew out the flyer she'd picked up and showed it to the blue-armored Government Yuusha. "It's basically just an event. Kill Nobus, and you're free to help yourself to stuff they drop and trade it for prizes at the stand her two assistants are setting up. There are checkpoints to beat until you can fight the final boss, and after that it's over except farming the Nobus for stuff for prizes."

He stared at her. "Please tell me she didn't just turn my city into a glorified carnival game."

"Okay, I won't," Souji said. "I'd be lying though."

Really, for a man who regularly attended Demon Pillar rerun events, you'd think he'd be used to this by now. At least Nobu's event was giving out prizes, which was more than could be said for those reruns. She'd probably attend the next one, since she hadn't been able to before, just to see why they did it so much.

As Jitsuryoku-Sensei ordered the NPCs to set up their defensive line, Souji checked her wallet. Her AP was a bit low right now, so it was a good time get a drink and plan out how she was going to skip all this nonsense to get on the flying saucer to kick Nobu's ass. She wished she'd agreed to join the wrestling workshop Quetzalcoatl, Martha, Quetzalcoatl and Martha had run. Solving high-altitude problems with Lucha had always worked for Master and Master…

….

 **\- To be continued…**

….

A/N: So, an arc! Didn't see that coming when I started this.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	4. Attack of the Nobu!

A/N: It... sort lives? Well, consider this a celebration for me FINALLY GETTING A FOREIGNER! Mysterious Heroine XX is mine!

….

Strange Tales of the East Coast Parahuman Capital On The Bay

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 4: Gudaguda Brockton Bay Event! Attack of the Nobu!

Disclaimer: Nasuverse stuff belongs to Type-Moon. Worm stuff belongs to Wildbow.

….

 _48 Hours Later_

"Nobu!"

"Nobu!"

"Nobu?"

"Nobu!"

"Nobu nobu!"

"NOBU!"

Brockton Bay was filled with Nobus.

"I have a great urge to try and catch them on my way to becoming the World's Greatest Pokemon Master," Clockblocker said, staring down at them from one of the windows of PRT headquarters.

"I'm pretty sure the Youth Guard will say that's against child protection laws or something," Kid Win said, idly picking at one of six small red and white spherical device on his belt. "Wandering around the country unsupervised at age 10, camping in the woods, bike theft…"

"But I want to be the very best! Like no one ever was!" Clockblocker protested dramatically.

"Yeah, no," Kid Win said. "I'm not letting you complete that line. Friends don't let friends do 4Kids."

They watched as one of the silver robotic Nobus walked past, waving like a tour guide. Behind it, several different kinds of Nobus followed wearing Hawaiian shirts and holding cameras and maps, with one of the small regular Nobu sitting on one of the big regular Nobu's shoulders. The small one was wearing a shirt that read 'I went to Brockton Bay and Survived', complete with a comical picture of a ramped-up Lung.

"It's like they're _mocking_ us," Clockblocker noted as an expert in the field.

The things had come out of the flying saucer in waves. First had been the ones that looked like pint-sized Dairokutenmaos, which had only gone as high as people's waists. They'd have been funny if they couldn't pull guns out of nowhere, and as funny as it had been to watch them fall on their backs from the recoil, those things had hurt. Then came the ones that looked like they were made of gold and silver, which had hit harder. _Then_ came the big ones that looked like some kind of weird restaurant mascot over 12 feet tall… who were still hilarious when they fell over from using their guns… which stopped being hilarious because those things looked like they'd come from naval ships. Then came the ones that were part UFO, the ones that were part tank, the ones that looked like they'd raided Nazo no Yuusha X's closet…

And all they ever said was "Nobu!".

The Protectorate had moved in force when the things had attacked threatened to overrun the Boardwalk and move into the city beyond, and despite their hard-hitting attacks, they were mostly easy to dodge because of the obviously telegraphed moves. The fact they often fell over from the simplest things helped. The Protectorate had held the line while PRT troopers had evacuated civilians, with Nazo no Yuusha X charging forward intent on Dairokutenmao and screaming about her being an idiot and a moron.

It soon became obvious it wasn't going to help, as some of the big ones would pick up the chunks of foam containing their brethren and throw it at Protectorate. After the second hour of sustained combat and no sign of their numbers diminishing– in fact, the silver-colored ones had joined by then– the director had authorized use of deadly force and called for assistance from the police, who had arrived dressed in riot gear and carrying shotguns. They blocked off the major avenues into the Boardwalk, set up firing positions and proceed to heroically hold the line.

By the fourth hour, when the gold ones had appeared, and they'd actually had to send for more ammo, the Empire had arrived, tearing through the Nobus with a wild abandon generally reserved for the end of the third act, just before the falling action. If they expected this to save the day so they could humiliate the Protectorate though, they were sadly mistaken when the silver robot Nobus showed up. They held when the golden robots eventually joined them.

When the _big_ gold and silver robotic ones appeared though, everyone was getting pretty close to despair.

Then _Coil_ had arrived. Or at least, mercenaries wielding Tinkertech weaponry and Faultline's crew claiming to be from Coil. That managed to get them another hour more, allowing them to bring in floodlights and call for more backup from Boston and New York.

Then _Lung_ had arrived to finally complete the full Brockton Bay set (because fuck the Merchants), roaring like a man who'd had his last nerve rubbed raw, and tearing through the Nobus with the enthusiasm of a man with a lot of pent-up issues.

It was around this time Nazo no Yuusha X had announced it was getting late and she was going to go home to sleep.

" _What?-!_ " Armsmaster had demanded incredulously.

"Well, I'm in no position to stop you if you want to stay up all night," Nazo no Yuusha X had said, stifling a yawn as cries of 'Nobu! Nobu!' echoed around them, "but I didn't get much sleep last night, so I'm going home and get back to killing Nobus in the morning." She had blinked at their incredulously looks. "No need to finish everything right away. She's planning to do this event for five days. Trust me, the key is to pace yourselves and not wear yourselves out trying to finish everything as soon as possible. And don't just Skip the cutscenes, that's very rude!"

Yawning again, Nazo no Yuusha X had gone off to walk home.

Their first clue things were even weirder than supposed was when the Nobus had let her, politely stepping out of her way with a 'Nobu' and a tip of their hats.

At which point, Armsmaster's finely honed Bullshit-o-meter went off.

Metaphorically, of course. Image had forbidden him from actually building a Bullshit-o-meter, possibly because they knew everyone would bring it whenever they had to talk to Image.

….

Eventually the analyst team had crunched the numbers, gathering data from the police and emergency responders. Though there had been a lot of fighting around the Boardwalk, the rest of the surrounding area had been peaceful, despite Nobus having escaped into the city. Confused policemen had reported them wandering around inoffensively, with some taking pictures with boxy cameras. A few had taken over some playgrounds and were using the equipment in the approved of manner. One had gone to city hall to apply for a driver's license, of all things. The only fighting with Nobus outside of the Boardwalk had been when a group of Merchants had tried to run some off from the playground the gang had claimed as their turf. The Nobus had called the police from a payphone to report the drug dealers.

" _Nobu nobu nobu,"_ the voice on the recording of the phone call said.

" _I see. Police officers will be there shortly ma'am. Thank you for reporting this to the police,"_ the dispatcher said. There was a click signaling the end of the call.

"I see," Director Piggot said. She'd been saying that a lot since the start of this briefing, and it had subsequently started to lose meaning.

"Shortly thereafter, we received a call that the flying saucer had landed in Grand Circle park and transformed into a..." Armsmaster twitched. "...a souvenir shop, run by Uber and Leet, who had been manacled by their feet to the shop counter. We've tried to get them out, but the every time we've tried the entire store starts spinning to throw out anyone not manacled downs and moves to a different place in the park. They offer a… a variety of Dairokutenmaou merchandise such as T-shirts, buttons, caps, and trading cards in exchange for certain objects that would drop whenever one of the Nobuforms were destroyed, as well as an unknown crystalline substance. "

"Girl cleans up good," Assault said with a grin, holding one of said trading cards, which showed Dairokutenmao in a bikini apparently playing an electric guitar while standing on one of the abandoned ships in the Boat Graveyard, surrounded by fire. It somehow managed to be sexy despite her Groucho glasses, which were admittedly slightly askew.

"So this city has _actually_ been turned into an overgrown carnival game," the Director said. Her left ear seemed to be twitching in sheer rage, despite her otherwise calm demeanor.

"Yes, director," Armsmaster said. "None of the Nobuforms have attacked civilians unless attacked first, and while they visibly prepare for battle at the appearance of any parahuman or police force, they do not actively attack unless the other side does. When attacked, however, all Nobuforms in range will immediately start swarming. "

"We've tried standing down," Miss Militia said, "But that just renders the Nobuforms into a traffic hazard."

"When they're not scrupulously obeying every pedestrian traffic law to the letter," Battery said. "They even agree to pose for pictures."

"And… how long is this supposed to last?"

"According to the flyer they dropped and Uber and Leets website, the whole week," Armsmaster said. "But with sufficient backup, we might be able to make a push towards Dairokutenmao's position by tomorrow."

"If NYX doesn't beat us there," Assault said. "Going home to sleep notwithstanding, she's _really_ pissed at her girlfriend."

"Are we sure? They both keep talking about someone they call Master…" Triumph said.

"Triumph, don't kinkshame," Assault said.

….

 **\- To be continued…**

….

A/N: Up next, _Revenge Of the Nobu_! to be followed by _A New Nobu, The Nobu Strikes Back, Return of the Nobu, The Nobu Awakens, The Last Nobu,_ and _The Rise of Nobu_. There might be side interludes like _Nobu One_ , and _Nobu: A Gugdaguda Story_ too to flesh out events as an excuse to recast beloved Nobus! And of course, let's not forget the beloved _Nobu-Nobu Holiday Special!_

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


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